"I am a woman in process. I'm just trying like everybody else. I try to take every conflict, every experience,and learn from it.
Life is never dull." ~ Oprah

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

"I'm on a mission...a mission from GOD"

I love that quote from the Blues Brothers!  Although those guys were a little wacky (I can totally identify) - they were true to themselves.  Which happens to be the mission that I am currently own.  I continually strive to follow the Good Orderly Direction in my life, realizing that expressing my own self in a multitude of ways is what brings sustained happiness.  To me, that means being creative with paper crafts and sewing, upcycling items and clothing, dancing and yoga, traveling and learning about other cultures, helping others, listening to the world around me, and being the change I wish to see in that world.

As I ponder self-expression, I wonder if I have let go of enough fear to allow me to move on.  Do I have enough faith in myself to walk the path I desire?  I feel like I am standing at the crossroad, looking in the most correct direction, and yearning to go there with all my heart - yet my mind is holding me back.  What am I afraid of?  financial insecurity, failure, doing something different (as a profession), becoming self-reliant, time management...I'm sure I could go on if I let myself.  BUT what I know, deep down in my soul, is that when I am true to myself in all aspects of my life, I find Balance...I find Peace within.  And at that point, I can't fail because Universal Love is holding me up and comforting me. I pray and meditate for clarity, for Divine Timing, and for guidance on my personal path.

I get clearer on what my next step is as the ever-elusive Time passes...tick-tick-tick...and I feel a push to move.  It's working.  I am moving.  I'm writing this & sharing with you where I am at - NOW.  I'm emmersing myself in all things crafty and breaking free from some of the shame i've held onto for so long.  I got this guilt and shame from my grandmother, who wanted perfection from me (and herself).  Perfectionism is deadly and causes me so many repercussions; I fight it, and those around me, I feel are expecting me to be perfect.  I'm only human...we all are.  And our best (or worst) is good enough.  I believe everything happens for a reason and I am truly grateful to be where I am today - in EVERY aspect!!!

I haven't been to a Ballet in years - I think the last time was in Dallas while I was "in college."  So I went to the Ballet on Sunday; Truth and Beauty, with the music of Bach and Phillip Glass.  Two of my favorite composers combined with dance - It was fantastic!  So inspiring.... 
I'm looking forward to the next couple weeks because I get to take some more sewing classes at The Stitch Lab, and continue to pack my apartment up for my literal move in March.  Exciting!!!

I encourage you - every day - to LIVE, Love, and Laugh. 
Be Yourself.  I love you just the way you are!